The Nation of Fekov: a Forgotten Country?

Ashen-faced, anthropologists, journalists and private peace contractors for the Central Intelligence Agency are today converging on a remote and forgotten country for a closer look at a so far unexplained phenomenon that has shaken the very foundations of everything we were told we knew about the world in which some of us are able to live.

Said one stunned anthropologist, whose name has been withheld for security reasons, “This may well turn out to be the discovery of the century and will force us to re-evaluate many of our assumptions about the modern world.”

Whilst the scientific community searches for an explanation for the phenomenon, a spokesperson for the White House, Jane Gaff-Smother wrote yesterday in the Washington Dissembler that: “We cannot at this time rule out the possibility of alien intervention. Indeed at this time, alien intervention may be the only plausible explanation for the bizarre circumstances surrounding the disappearance of an entire country off the political map at . . . er, this time.”

Working on the suspicion that aliens have been interfering in the peaceful transition of human civilisation from barbarism to global democratic barbarism with freedom-loving weapons of death (only without the democratic bit ) researchers at the American Institute, PAN (People are a Nuisance) have wasted no time in issuing dire warnings to arms manufacturers and other lovers of not killing anybody without profit that we may need to act swiftly to protect the way of life we have all come to endure.

These warnings focus on the possibility that alien intervention in world politics now appears proved beyond doubt by press releases in such reliable newspapers as the Washington Dissembler. PAN is taking the threat very seriously.

PAN operates on a hundred trillion dollar grant from the American tax payer and leaves no stone unturned in its effort to seek out new ways to make genocide sound like you are doing people a favour. Its warnings have reached the military industrial complex (a mental illness for which there is no known cure, not even drugging people) and the complex has reacted with a response that has trickled down to the US government.

Accordingly, the White House has issued a statement accusing aliens of intervening in world affairs when everybody knows that that is America’s mission on Earth, a mission entrusted to it by God. Proof of the latter is of course laid down on tablets given to the President during a chat with the Almighty on Mount Anattack last February. The tablets are now held securely locked away from the reach of the public and other Unbelievers, their contents withheld for security reasons, lest the Truth fall into the wrong hands, such a voters, sensible people and so forth.

The White House therefore has been quick to take the alien threat seriously by not hanging about waiting for it to be a fact. It has issued warnings that unless the aliens stop whatever it is they are doing, America will be forced to send in humanitarian aid to their planet, Tharg, and, let’s face it, and nobody wants that!

Tharg has thus far failed to respond to America’s demands that it cease not doing everything America tells it to do and starts borrowing US dollars like civilised people all across the globe and other slave-planets.

But whether or not the newly discovered anomaly turns out to be the work of aliens or merely some strange quirk in human affairs, it remains destined to captivate the imaginations of scientists and other branches of the DSG (Department of Slaves and Graves) everywhere.

The discovery itself – lest we digress – is quite shocking.

Apparently an expedition into remote, uncharted regions – location thus far being kept top secret - has discovered the existence of a so-called “lost country". The lost country is known as “Fekov,” and has been described by one bemused expert as “somehow fallen right off everybody’s radar.” Quite how this error occured is not at this time fully understood.

Left out of all the fun the rest of us have been having for the last century or so, Fekov has beern hampered by high life expectancy, literacy, extremely low radiation levels, wind turbines and “food” contaminated by organic compounds. It has stumbled along for years without the benefits of humanitarian aid and other high explosives, high interest loans, meltdowns of various descriptions, drugs, psychiatry, modern policing techniques and other benefits of enforced democracy.

If initial reports from the region are to be believed, Fekov may, incredibly, be the only country in history that has never benefitted from invasion by the United States.

Steve Cook is the author of Genghis Kant, a tongue-in-cheek sci fi spoof. See a current newspaper review here. Visit the Genghis Kant on Facebook for a free copy of Steve's latest story "Spilt Milk" of which one reader said: “Loved the Spilt Milk story. Loved the characters and how it all linked together.” 

Airport Cupcake Scare

Security Agencies Crack Down on Home Baking

In the wake of a recent security scare in which a “woman” was caught red handed trying to bring two cupcakes aboard a plane at Las Vegasairport, security services the world over are now on the alert for attempts by “people” to smuggle bread crumbs, scones, vanilla essence, waffles and other bomb-making equipment aboard aircraft.

In further moves to crack down on what is emerging as a plot involving millions of terrorists to bring civilisation to its knees, thousands of websites publishing recipes for cakes and potentially deadly flans are being shut down.

Meanwhile, the alleged ringleader of the global, Al Cakeater, terrorist organisation has been moved to the top of the FBI’s “Most Wanted” list.

Known only as “Mr Kipling,” he was believed until yesterday to have been a made-up character. But he is notorious for making exceedingly good “cakes” and is now being sought in connection with the discovery of a number of “cake baking” factories in Barnsley and other locations in the UK that for a number of years have been operating right under the noses of the British Security forces.

Ashen-faced Roger Stalin (13) MP for Gestapo in Yorkshire announced that he has been fully briefed on the Confectionary Threat by his American colleagues in the Senate group, BOOR (Bumptious Officialdom and Overreaction).

He told this reporter that he is, “Ashen-faced at this latest horror emerging from the People’s Republic of America.”

He went on to say: “Things are even worse than we thought. We all knew that every one of us was under threat of being turned into cat food at any minute but the sheer scale and magnitude of the horror is only just coming to light. It is sobering to think that at any moment someone could walk onto a plane armed with self-raising flour and a small carton of whipped cream.

"These ingredients are lethal – all one has to do is add three kilos of nitroglycerine, bake in a slow oven for forty five minutes, then add a sprinkling of icing sugar and some hazelnuts and one has a lethal cocktail capable of blowing Neasden off the map!”

Accordingly, security forces across Britain have been moved to full BTA (Brown Trouser Alert), with the suspension of all civil liberties as an unavoidable measure for ensuring the continuation of our traditional freedoms (except baking).

The alert will be downgraded to “Loose Bladder” once the immediate threat has been dealt with – probably at some time in the twenty-third century.

Officials are also considering an all-out ban on McVities HobNobs, with stiff sentences for those caught in possession.

As Mr Stalin explained: “These devices can be lethal. A trained operative well schooled in the Ninja arts could easily take a pilot’s eye out with one skilfully flung piece of confectionery or wave one about in a threatening manner and thus hold an entire plane to ransom. We also know for a fact that several tons of HobNobs were recently shipped in cargo planes bound for Saudi Arabia and other destinations all over the Middle East. Who’s to say they won’t end up in terrorist training camps?”

We will keep you informed of developments as this new drama unfolds.

Meanwhile, the breaking news is that a similar scare took place at Heathrow this morning on a plane bound for Brussels and a man known as David Cameron and claiming to be a ”Prime Minister” was arrested.

In his briefcase were found plans and documents labelled “Economic Strategy” but which officials quickly recognised as a recipe for disaster.

Steve Cook is the author of Genghis Kant, a tongue-in-cheek sci fi spoof. See a current newspaper review here. Visit the Genghis Kant on Facebook for a free copy of Steve's latest story "Spilt Milk" of which one reader said: “Loved the Spilt Milk story. Loved the characters and how it all linked together.”