Ashen-faced,
anthropologists, journalists and private peace contractors for the Central
Intelligence Agency are today converging on a remote and forgotten country for
a closer look at a so far unexplained phenomenon that has shaken the very
foundations of everything we were told we knew about the world in which some of
us are able to live.
Said one stunned
anthropologist, whose name has been withheld for security reasons, “This may
well turn out to be the discovery of the century and will force us to
re-evaluate many of our assumptions about the modern world.”
Whilst the scientific
community searches for an explanation for the phenomenon, a spokesperson for
the White House, Jane Gaff-Smother wrote yesterday in the Washington Dissembler
that: “We cannot at this time rule out the possibility of alien intervention.
Indeed at this time, alien intervention may be the only plausible explanation
for the bizarre circumstances surrounding the disappearance of an entire
country off the political map at . . . er, this time.”
Working on the
suspicion that aliens have been interfering in the peaceful transition of human
civilisation from barbarism to global democratic barbarism with freedom-loving
weapons of death (only without the democratic bit ) researchers at the American
Institute, PAN (People are a Nuisance) have wasted no time in issuing dire
warnings to arms manufacturers and other lovers of not killing anybody without
profit that we may need to act swiftly to protect the way of life we have all
come to endure.
These warnings focus
on the possibility that alien intervention in world politics now appears proved
beyond doubt by press releases in such reliable newspapers as the Washington
Dissembler. PAN is taking the threat very seriously.
PAN operates on a
hundred trillion dollar grant from the American tax payer and leaves no stone
unturned in its effort to seek out new ways to make genocide sound like you are
doing people a favour. Its warnings have reached the military industrial
complex (a mental illness for which there is no known cure, not even drugging
people) and the complex has reacted with a response that has trickled down to
the US government.
Accordingly, the
White House has issued a statement accusing aliens of intervening in world
affairs when everybody knows that that is America’s mission on Earth, a mission
entrusted to it by God. Proof of the latter is of course laid down on tablets
given to the President during a chat with the Almighty on Mount Anattack last
February. The tablets are now held securely locked away from the reach of the
public and other Unbelievers, their contents withheld for security reasons,
lest the Truth fall into the wrong hands, such a voters, sensible people and so
forth.
The White House
therefore has been quick to take the alien threat seriously by not hanging
about waiting for it to be a fact. It has issued warnings that unless the
aliens stop whatever it is they are doing, America will be forced to send in
humanitarian aid to their planet, Tharg, and, let’s face it, and nobody wants
that!
Tharg has thus far
failed to respond to America’s demands that it cease not doing everything
America tells it to do and starts borrowing US dollars like civilised people
all across the globe and other slave-planets.
But whether or not
the newly discovered anomaly turns out to be the work of aliens or merely some
strange quirk in human affairs, it remains destined to captivate the
imaginations of scientists and other branches of the DSG (Department of Slaves
and Graves) everywhere.
The discovery itself
– lest we digress – is quite shocking.
Apparently an
expedition into remote, uncharted regions – location thus far being kept top
secret - has discovered the existence of a so-called “lost country". The
lost country is known as “Fekov,” and has been described by one bemused expert
as “somehow fallen right off everybody’s radar.” Quite how this error occured
is not at this time fully understood.
Left out of all the
fun the rest of us have been having for the last century or so, Fekov has beern
hampered by high life expectancy, literacy, extremely low radiation levels,
wind turbines and “food” contaminated by organic compounds. It has stumbled
along for years without the benefits of humanitarian aid and other high explosives,
high interest loans, meltdowns of various descriptions, drugs, psychiatry,
modern policing techniques and other benefits of enforced democracy.
If initial reports
from the region are to be believed, Fekov may, incredibly, be the only country
in history that has never benefitted from invasion by the United States.
Steve Cook is the author of Genghis Kant, a
tongue-in-cheek sci fi spoof. See a current
newspaper review here. Visit the Genghis Kant
on Facebook for a free copy of Steve's latest story "Spilt
Milk" of which one reader said: “Loved the Spilt Milk story. Loved the
characters and how it all linked together.”
