Government to Borrow Money to Get Out of Debt

by Steve Cook

The government today announced that it is “completely stumped” and unable to explain how the nation ended up with twice as much debt as there is actual money in existence.

However, a spokescretin, for the Treasury, Mr Sloe Deathby-Tax pointed out that this particular cloud in the overcast heavens does have a silver lining in that Great Britain is in fact doing a lot better than the United States, which has around three times as much debt as money.

“It is something about which everyone in these Sceptic Isles can feel justly smug.” he said.

The revelations were timed to coincide with the launch of a new initiative for tackling Britain’s mountain of debt. The Treasury has proudly announced revolutionary plans to follow the revolutionary plans of every country in Europe and “borrow lots more money” so as to get the nation out of debt.

The government is optimistic that this strategy, unlike the other 142 exact same times it has been tried before, will probably work so long as the natural laws of the universe are suspended for a while.

But just in case it doesn’t work (or as some experts put it: certainly won’t) contingency plans are in place. Central to these plans is the revolutionary new idea of persuading America to have another war and then helping her out by playing a key supporting role such as doing as we are told, making the sandwiches and so forth.

While this won’t work either and will undoubtedly have the opposite effect of getting us deeper into debt, it does have the virtue of keeping millions of people’s minds off the inevitable bankruptcy proceedings and the arrival of bankers to confiscate the national infrastructure.